Thresher Declassified: Beer Bike Survival Guide 2023

By Morgan Gage     3/28/23 10:11pm

With a grand total of one Beer Bike under my belt — and signing up for a water balloon filling shift my freshman year — I am basically a Beer Bike expert, at least on a campus recovering from the cultural impact of COVID-19. For freshmen who are eagerly awaiting Saturday morning or seniors experiencing their first and last Beer Bike (it’s probably just my roommate to be honest), I have put together the most stellar and totally serious guide to Beer Bike. 

Sleep the night before

Baker stays up all night the night before Beer Bike. Baker is stupid. Don’t be Baker. 

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Take advantage of early quiet hours — 10 p.m., baby — and go to sleep so you can be up and at ‘em at 3:30 a.m. like your Beer Bike coords intended. You don’t want to crash before the races. Your bikers stayed sober for this, and if you aren’t cheering them on you’re failing Rice culture. What was the point of those chants they taught you during O-Week if you aren’t using them for good?

You can nap when the last race ends, and to have your best shot at making it there, try to get as much sleep as you can! The early bird gets the keg.

Drink heavily — water and booze

Show solidarity for your chug team by drinking as much as you can. Whether it’s beer, cider or wine, be sure to go for volume and down a good amount before breakfast starts at 6 a.m. 

Not drinking? Whether you’re abstaining for the bike team, personal reasons or the health of your liver, that’s all right, too. I recommend prepping by having some drinks to have in hand anyway — orange juice minus the bubbles is still basically a mimosa. You don’t have to partake in libations to have a lively time.

Whether you’re planning to drink or not, you should have plenty of water. If the men’s chug team can down 24 oz. in four seconds or less, you can drink a water bottle or two. Stay hydrated and remember! A glass of water for every glass of alcohol.

Don’t half-ass it

If you aren’t doing it for real, don’t do it at all. 

Come prepared

Yes, girls, that means crop your Beer Bike shirts before Saturday morning. It also means wear shorts that you don’t mind getting stained in the Celebration of Color, slathering on sunscreen and eating a hearty breakfast if you’re able to — stamina is the word of the day. 

Take advantage of what you have at your disposal

Concessions? Yes, please. I will be devouring Mendocino Farms that afternoon. See a water bottle? Grab a water bottle.

More importantly, if you feel like you need help, reach out for help. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends when you cross that line between pleasantly drunk and might puke your guts out. If in doubt about your health or safety, stray on the side of safety and don’t be afraid to reach out to REMS. There’s an army of caregivers — or at least more than enough to look out for you. It’s better safe than sorry, and, as fun as Beer Bike is, it isn’t worth unnecessary risks to your health. 

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