News In Rhyme
International
Berlusconi offers resignation
Silvio Berlusconi survived many a lewd sex scandal and allegation
But alas he could not wither the debt crisis hitting the Euro nations
So to make sure creditors could trust the Italian government
And that he would not be the one to prevent the money from being lent
Good old Berlusconi who refused to surrender decided to offer to step down
And so Italy will lose its bellicose prime minister who recently became a clown
Silvio Berlusconi offered to resign in order to secure any potential bailout of Italy whose high debts are beginning to undermine its credit.
National
Rick Perry Forgetful
There once was a man named Rick Perry
Who during the debates was never merry
He wanted to cut government agencies
But he couldn't remember which three
And his embarrassing gaffe was in public for all to see
In Wednesday night's Residential Republican debate, Rick Perry said there were three government agencies he wanted to cut, but could not think of the third one. This embarrassment was just another in a slew of blunders threatening the viability of his presidential bid.
Annise Parker wins reelection
Annise Parker won her election for mayor of our town
But her margin of victory was deserving of pity
The Rice grad barely won more than half the vote
Against opposition of barely any note
But winning is winning as they say
And for two more years Parker is here to stay
Annise Parker won the mayoral election, but only by 51 percent, far lower then would be expected considering her incumbency and the lack of any strong opposition
More from The Rice Thresher

Founder’s Court goes alt-rock as bôa kicks off U.S. tour at Rice
Founder’s Court morphed into a festival ground Friday night as British alt-rock band bôa launched the U.S. leg of their “Whiplash” tour. The group headlined the third annual Moody X-Fest before what organizers estimate was “a little bit over 2,000 students” — the largest turnout in the event’s three-year history.
Rice launches alternative funding program amid federal research cuts
Rice is launching the Bridge Funding Program for faculty whose federal funding for research projects has been reduced or removed. The program was announced via the Provost’s newsletter April 24.

O’Rourke rallies students in Academic Quad
Former U.S. Rep. Beto O’Rourke of El Paso, Texas spoke in front of the Sallyport to a sea of sunglasses and “end gun violence” signs April 17. The rally, organized by Rice Young Democrats, took place in the academic quad from noon to 2 p.m.
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