Ask the Thresher
I met this g uy last weekend, and after a dance-floor hookup I gave him my number. He seemed really nice, but after a few texts, it became really obvious that he thinks I am an eas y booty-call. What should I do?
-Worth the Walk?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a random hookup, but you should at least recognize how this guy currently perceives you. Think back to how you met. You did not impress this guy with your profound intellect or your sense of humor. It was probably too dark to even see you at all. What you offered was quick and easy availability. He texts you for the same reason he gets cheesy gordita crunches from Taco Bell, because of convenience not quality.
Now, it's your move. I don't know you personally, but it's my guess you don't want to be thought of as Taco Bell. Perhaps you see yourself more as Chile's or maybe a worthwhile and meaningful Mexican food option such as Chapultepec. You can respond to these obvious advances like you did on the dance floor, or make him work for what he wants.
Think of yourself as a drug dealer. After letting him sample one little crack rock for free, he wants more, so it's time to start raising the prices. Make him have a conversation with you, appreciate you for more than your body parts, maybe even take you on a date.
Your newly found romantic liaison views you as a booty call, because making out with random people is what booty calls do. If you want to be viewed as someone worthwhile, act accordingly. Who knows-maybe you'll even get something worhwhile like Chapultepec!
In this situation, your next move depends entirely on what you want from this relationship. If you're okay with just "hooking up," then you can allow things to continue as they have been. However, it seems that you're probably looking for a more committed relationship or, at least, do not want this guy to think you're "easy."
The best thing to do in this case would be to make your feelings clear. If this guy seemed like a nice guy, then he might actually be a nice guy, but you'll never know unless you talk to the him.
That being said, this guy could also be a jerk, in which case he's probably not worth your time. Just because you had one dance-floor hookup does not mean anything has to come of it. If you don't think he's right for you, then don't give him a second thought. Although you now share this interaction, you are not obligated to follow through.
However, it is important to remember that miscommunication is easy when you're texting. He might be coming off differently than he intends, and he might actually be interested in something more serious and value you for who you are. It's also important to keep in mind that, if you ignore him because you think he's only interested in a booty-call, you could end up hurting him. The best thing you can do in this situation, no matter what you and this guy want, is talk. And not via text; you don't want to get lost in translation.
"Ask the Thresher" is an advice column written twice a month, authored by two Thresher editorial staff members. Readers can email their letters to AskTheThresher@gmail.com or submit their questions through formspring at AskTheThresher.
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