Ask the Thresher
A guy just asked me out to a dinner date at the servery. We've hooked up before, and I like him, but somehow the servery does not seem like the most romantic setting. I wonder if I shouldn't suggest another place. A little part of me thinks the servery is a good idea in case the date is uncomfortable, but the idea still seems like a cop-out. How should I react?
A Hopelessly Cheap Date
In this situation, it is most definitely best to just talk to the person who has asked you out. They might have also decided they like you after hooking up (especially if it was casual) and are just trying to find a comfortable way in which both of you can talk and figure out where each of you stands in this potential relationship. In this case, while it might not be particularly romantic, the servery could accomplish the goal; it could help you both to better define the potential of your future relationship.
On the other hand, this idea for a date really could be a cop-out. There might be a chance this person is just asking you out on a "date" because they know you have been wanting more and, while they want to keep hooking up with you, they really don't want anything too serious; in this case, they probably aren't worth your time. If this is a courtesy date so that they can keep hooking up with you, they're clearly uninterested in who you are and you should end things with them.
However, you will never know which option is the truth until you talk. Communication is the key.
Perhaps you are really a hideous person with a terrible personality who is not worth the cost of a night's dinner. If so, then you should accept his invitation and probably have a serious self-reflection about how you have reached this point. However, if this is not true, you should insist on something better. If you think your date will go that poorly, you should not embark on the adventure at all. Go to the servery and look at the food options available. Are you really worth the curious-looking roast beef or the days-old Caesar salad?
You may think that the next course of action would be to suggest that he take you somewhere nicer, but this would be too kind. You know how little you and all your shared history mean to him. Think back to the last person you liked. Chances are that your attraction seems ridiculous now; what was appealing in the past is now laughable in the present. Like Oedipus you have blinded yourself, and the only way out of your predicament is to act as objectively as possible. Think about what you would do if you were giving advice to a friend instead of to yourself. Chances are you would tell your friends to avoid this boy and move on to find people who think you are at least worth the time to leave campus for dinner.
"Ask the Thresher" is an advice column written twice a month, authored by two Thresher editorial staff members. Readers can email their letters to AskTheThresher@gmail.com or submit their questions through formspring at AskTheThresher.
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