Parents face dilemma in punishment styles

By Ellen Kim     9/2/10 7:00pm

On July 6, 2010, ABC's "Good Morning America" aired a segment titled, "Parents vs Grandparents: Spanking Divides Generations." Spanking a child, as a disciplinary act, has become rather controversial, not only between the younger and older generations, but also among parents of all ages. An example of this divide was that between the couple Laura and Todd Mansfield of Portland, Ore., and Laura Mansfield's parents. The Mansfields' two children, both under the age of seven, were staying over at their grandparents' house for the weekend. The children were spanked by their grandparents after they were found pulling out their grandmother's flowers from the garden. The Mansfields, who never spank their children, were enraged. Laura Mansfield's father did not see spanking as traumatizing or harmful. After all, spanking had been a part of growing up. But the Mansfields felt otherwise. In fact, Laura Mansfield stated that she believed "spanking can be used as a form of abuse."

First of all, I think there is an important difference between spanking and beating. Normally, a spanking is defined as an openhanded slap on the rear, not a whipping with a leather belt. Hitting a child excessively and impulsively is clearly abusive. But that is a case of battery and assault, not spanking.

Annie Pleshette Murphy, one of the two psychologists interviewed at the end of the segment, was opposed to all forms of spanking. She stated that, besides the fact that spanking hurts the child and ultimately deteriorates the parent-child relationship, it is ineffective. A child spanked for running into the street, she used as an example, will do it again and again because the child was not paying attention to what the parents were saying as he or she was being punished.

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At that point, I could not help but question the child's intelligence. I think it's an easy conclusion to draw - unless you're not old enough to understand what your parents are saying - that running into the street is a bad, dangerous thing. And an even simpler conclusion would be that further violations of this rule will result in corporal punishment. Murphy's over-simplified explanation of the child psyche, it seems, only applies to children completely devoid of deductive reasoning skills. If the child was running into the street again, it probably wasn't because they weren't listening.

I did agree, however, with her opinion about the Mansfields. It was unfair that the grandparents were upbraided for spanking their grandchildren, since they weren't accustomed to the Mansfields' anti-spanking approach. The couple should have given the grandparents instructions on how to deal with their plant-uprooting children or taken their children back home if they were becoming too unruly. An even better idea would have been to teach their children how to behave at Grandma's, so this never would have been a problem in the first place.

What surprised me the most was the Mansfields' decision to air their disagreement with the grandparents. Not only had they overblown a somewhat petty dispute that could have been handled privately, but they had also humiliated their parents on national television. I understand that the broadcast was meant to call attention to a growing issue, but honestly, talk about deteriorating that parent-child relationship ...

The fact remains that most parents do use spanking as means of punishment. No sane and dedicated parent spanks their child maliciously. However, parents may have difficulty determining when swatting their child is reasonable, appropriate and effective. Spanking should be the last resort for a defiant toddler or a punishment for a serious offense that the child has been warned against before.

There are, of course, other ways to penalize your child for disorderly conduct. Confiscating toys, assigning extra chores and discussing the issue are alternatives. I strongly believe that spanking should never be the primary means of punishment and in fact, should be avoided if negotiation or compromise is possible. But seeing as how some children are positively impervious to stern cautions and unaffected by wordy compromises, one cannot fairly reprimand parents who may need the extra reinforcement.

Ellen Kim is a Sid Richardson College sophomore.

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