Online Only: Denver provides relationship advice

9/17/09 7:00pm

Dear Denver, I just realized I like a guy for very superficial reasons. I think he's honest, but I can't tell. After he called me open and straightforward, I started thinking the same about him, but there's nothing to justify that. He's so loyal to, and defensive of, his possessions, and I want him to have that same attitude about me. I admire his social interactions, but I ignore how he acts around other girls, and I ignore the fact that he doesn't make me feel special in any way.

The most positive thing I can say about him is that he encourages me to try new things, but it's an empty kind of encouragement. He doesn't even give me straight answers to questions. What I definitely don't like about him is that he's in a relationship with another girl. I don't want to cause any drama. He's not a very loyal boyfriend at all, but he would be exciting. Should I just be patient and wait for him to break it off with his girlfriend? To be honest, I don't know why he would, since she seems pretty and sociable.

- Confused Charlotte

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Dear Confused Charlotte,

So you like a guy who has a girlfriend and you don't know what to do about it. You said you don't want to cause any drama, so that answers your question right there. But personally I would say if they are in a relationship that is on the decline then feel free to intervene. You might be able to make a slow painful process less slow and painful.

Yet from how you talk about him it is hard to see why you would want him. You have said he is loyal, then said he isn't. He doesn't make you feel special, you don't like how he acts around other girls, he won't answer your questions. The only good things you said about him are that he encourages you to try new things and he would be exciting, which almost sounds like a cheesy setup for a porno. I'm sure you could find a hot guy with a camera who is willing to help you out if you want. Just remember that exciting people make for good dates, but are frequently unreliable and sometimes make terrible boy- and girlfriends. Also remember that you don't have to be dating to have fun. Just use protection - you know, like an emotional barrier.

Dear Denver,

My guy friend is hooking up with a girl who's in a long-distance relationship with another guy. He calls her dumb for not being able to decide if she wants to hook up with him or not. I feel like she's just confused about what she wants, and he's confusing the situation even more, and I want her to be happy. Should I talk to her?

-Socially Concerned

Dear Socially Concerned,

You feel like she is confused? I feel like you are probably just sticking your nose into other people's business, trying to cause trouble. The only thing you should tell your friend is that if she has questions about the situation then she should send me an e-mail. But I know that no matter what I say, you are going to talk to her because that is what happens, so I might as well try to say something useful.

Of the long-distance relationships I have seen since being at Rice, more often than not they fail. There is always the exception that works out perfectly, but it is the exception, not the rule. So it is likely that the girl and her boyfriend are going to break up anyway.

Now, this leads to the whole issue about whether or not the girl even wants the new guy. Maybe she was just feeling lonely and wanted some physical attention after being away from her boyfriend for so long, but she might not actually like the guy. I would suggest she take a week off from both of them, then look at what is going on and how she feels about both of them. A week shouldn't put a dent in the relationship with either of them, and she can just say that she is busy with schoolwork. Suggest to her that she take the time to clear her mind of boys and then she will be able to evaluate the situation better.

Dear Denver,

I think my boyfriend's roommate is a voyeur. He has walked in on our hook-ups so many times, it's not even natural. Should I talk to him about it? What should I say?

-Lusty Legs

Dear Lusty Legs,

As I answer this question during my Statistics class I am reminded of something that you might want to keep in mind: The more often an event happens, the probability of a related event happening will go up. So if you weren't hooking up an unnatural amount then he wouldn't be walking in on you an unnatural amount. You horny college kids, I swear.

Did you even think about leaving a sign on the door? Or maybe finding out his schedule so you would know when he was gone and have some time to yourselves? What about going back to your room instead of your boyfriend's? It seems to me like you did not really think this through very well. I expect better from you, dear reader. If he really is a voyeur then do some of the things I mentioned, and there shouldn't be a problem anymore. Or the next time he walks in on you just scream at the top of your lungs and start beating him. That will get a lot of attention and then he will be scared to try it again.

Note from Denver: While I like to help people with relationship advice I would like more interesting questions than just girls talking about boys. Keep asking those questions as well, but some questions from guys about girls would be greatly appreciated. Hell, get interesting with it; I can help you choose the best couch to buy, the best classes to take, great ways to use your free time. Try me.

Denver Greene, a Brown College senior, is not a professional and is not responsible for anything stupid that you do. Please submit questions by email to thresher@rice.edu or by going to www.brown.rice.edu/deardenver.

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