A Word With Your Wardrobe: Rice's Fashion Frustrations

By Deanne Nguyen     8/27/09 7:00pm

I know I'm not the first to say it, but welcome back! I trust that your summers were well spent, lounging about in your best hobo shreds, splashing around half-naked while soaking up some sun or like most of us, pasty as usual in our lab coats. Many of you will, without a doubt and for whatever reasons, continue to sport such uniforms well into the school year. Most of you will do so purely because it's college and you believe no one will care.

Clearly, you don't know me.

Upon returning to Rice, I was reminded that our campus, like any other place of higher learning, is rife with fashion faux pas. Academic demands and the bustling schedules clearly take a toll on how much attention we can afford to pay to make ourselves clothed for venturing outside of our quarters. Thus, we are sometimes forced to make unflattering choices for the sake of convenience.

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I am no exception, but I can't help but muse and amuse myself over the many fashion fails of my fellow peers. It baffles me, plagues me even, as to why some members of our student body will continuously submit themselves to public scrutiny by making poor sartorial choices that could easily be avoided.

I'm not simply talking about always wearing hoodies or college shirts. No, it's much more heinous. The following are the top-10 fashion felonies that are committed every day on our campus. This is not meant to be advice; it is a call to arms.

1. Brown or Navy with Black

A golden rule that is broken by many an inexperienced lad in the belt, slacks and shoes department. Pass this information on to anyone making a presentation of importance if he or she wants to be taken seriously.

2. Ugg boots with sweatpants

Combining two pieces that magically add on the pounds is pure genius. Who needs to actually gain the freshman 15 when you can sport the look for years to come?

3. Braless

A few of us can pull it off and hide it well, but nipples flying around are rather distracting and certainly not classy by any means.

4. Exposed underwear

The converse of the above problem; some gentlemen are not aware that this look no longer makes them attractive prospects, but rather gives off a not-so-subtle "douchebag" vibe.

5. Rear end advertising

Words stamped on one's derriere are clearly an exploited tool among name brands. There's no better billboard than the one you're born with.

6. All-over denim

A favorite among those who cannot let go of the fourth grade or enjoy being mistakenly associated with the MOB.

7. The muscle shirt

It is a uni-task garment and should remain as such. However, it falls under the "abuse of athletic wear as casual wear" category when worn elsewhere and, unbeknownst to many, one actually needs muscles in order to pull off this bro-friendly look.

8. Ill-fitted clothing

"Muffin tops" and "swimming in your daddy's suit" only sound cute.

9. Socks with sandals

From athletes to nerds, this relentless trend displays the indecisive nature of the wearer. When faced with choosing one over the other, they chose the fugly option: both.

10. Crocs

Apparently, fans of Crocs have not realized that the brand also makes better looking shoes and not simply Frankenstein's potato clogs. However, the foul popularity of the original remains unshakable. This is just unacceptable.

Deanne Nguyen is a Will Rice College junior.

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