It’s been nearly 30 years since the end of the 1980s. Most of us planning on attending Sid ’80s never really lived through the ’80s and if you did, you’re probably too old to be going to Rice public parties. However, don’t worry. You don’t need to be going Back to the Future to find out how to dress for Sid 80’s. We’ll tell you everything you need to fit right in!
1. FITNESS GEAR
One and two and three and stretch! Before heading out to this gnarly public, make sure to watch some ’80s workout videos to really impress your peers. Break out your spandex leotards, conventional leg warmers and stylish sweatbands. The leotard will keep you cool while you bust a move at this perspiration party. Another option is a matching tracksuit ensemble if you plan on stopping by the public party after a run around the outer loop. Now that you’re ready to boogie, you can even practice your fitness routine while waiting in the long line. Who needs an LPAP when you’ve mastered the art of “Jazzercise”?
2. NEON AND PASTEL COLORS
When people think of the ’80s, no one thinks drab muted colors. If you do, then you’re probably confusing the ’80s with some era before the 1950s, the time before color was invented and everything existed only in black and white. Color came into existence in the ’60s. From then, people just kept finding more and more colors until the ’80s, when NEON and PASTEL colors were discovered. If you aren’t wearing a vibrant pastel polo paired with a neatly tied ascot or a blinding neon skin-tight bodysuit before heading to Sid ’80s, then what are you doing?
3. FANNY PACK
Fashionable? Functional? Flashy? Fanny packs! Due to the nature of your extremely accurate and hip ’80s outfit, you might find yourself with no pockets for the night. Without pockets you might accidentally leave your phone, ID, wallet, dorm key and half-pint-sized water bottles all in your dorm and be forced to make five posts on Rice Students Selling stuff at 5:52 a.m. begging for your favorite keychain back. Don’t slack! Get yourself a fanny pack!
If your jeans are new, clean and pristine, then throw them away right now. Put them through the shredder, dip them in acid and THEN wear them. Denim has been integral to fashion trends since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, but what marked the denim of the ’80s was their character. Your jeans need to have p-e-r-s-o-n-a-l-i-t-y.Your jeans need to be the Derrick Kagwanja of the sophomore class, known by everyone and loved by everyone.
5. ANIMAL PRINT
If you avoided bringing a wardrobe that looks like a pack of highlighters when you moved in and now lack neon-colored clothes for Sid ’80s, try going for the animal print look. Loud prints like cheetah or zebra will make you the alpha of the party. Show off your fierce side by exercising your rights to life, liberty and the fursuit of happiness. After you’re done with Sid ’80s, this attire could be reused as a last-minute Halloween costume. This is how you truly survive natural selection.
6. SHOULDER PADS
The people of the ’80s had an extreme fascination with the ‘Dorito’-type body shape, where shoulders are twice as wide as hips. To achieve this look, simply insert enormous shoulder pads into everything that you wear, especially blazers. Nowadays, the standout trends are ‘goth girl’ or ‘farm friend’ but the TRUE way to stand out, inspired by our ancient ’80s ancestors, is to adopt the look of the ”football fashionista.”
7. BAGGY CLOTHES
If your goal is to stay comfortable and dry at this jazzy junction, go for a looser silhouette. With a 61 percent chance of precipitation and a 73 percent humidity level, there is a chance it might rain while you’re on the way to or from Sid. Luckily, windbreaker jackets are multifaceted and perfect for the occasion. Throw on some colorful outerwear over a plain outfit to instantly transform it into an effortlessly edgy look. This outfit does not guarantee survival or biological safety at Sid, but you’ll look cool.
What’s an ’80s party without outrageous accessories? Decorate with Kangol bucket hats, fingerless gloves, tinted aviator glasses that are at least 2,538 square feet and earrings flashy enough to light up your foyer and require about $60 a month in electricity to pay off.
The Threadsher Exclusive is a fashion column written by Mai Ton and Vy Pham.